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August 19th, 2006 - Mr. Jon Rosenberg's Ice Cream Cavalcade and Boozatorium [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
jon rosenberg

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August 19th, 2006

Next Week: The Singularity [Aug. 19th, 2006|03:37 pm]
jon rosenberg
So now we're spraying industrial viruses on our lunchmeat to kill deadly bacteria that we pretty much also created in the first place by corn subsidies making corn cheaper to feed to cows than allowing them to graze, causing them to get sick (cows don't eat corn in nature, fuckheads), penning them in close in their own feces so the contagion spreads nice and easy amongst members of the herd, requiring massive doses of antibiotics to be constantly administered to keep the sickly animals alive long enough to harvest their flesh -- flesh now contaimanted with the few uberbacteria hardy enough to make it through a course of treatment with the toughest antibiotics we have left in our arsenal.

So of course, the natural and sane way to deal with this problem is to spray everything we eat with bacteriophage.

I used to consider myself a futurist, someone who believed in mankind's potential for achievement and self-improvement through the liberal use of awesome new technologies. But I think this one I may not be able to support. I am nearly convinced that the viruses will mutate inside our bodies and organize into self-aware virus networks, hell-bent on tapping into our central nervous systems and sending waves of desire for meat products directly into our Purchasing Lobes.

I think the Theoretical Sausage shirts are going to go up on Monday.

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